I'm Kenneth, and this is what love is to me.
I'm just your average, everyday run-of-the-mill guy.
 |
| Hello! |
I don't consider myself particularly good-looking, striking in any manner (besides for my height, heh) or an extremely sociable person.
I'm literally the epitome of normality.
I had - and admittedly, probably still do - an outlook on love that will probably rival or even put to shame that of some girls. I wanted a fairytale (-laughs-) relationship; one without any quarreling, squabbles or miscommunication. I wanted a partner whose goals and character aligned with me entirely so that we'll see eye to eye on every matter. A partner who's accommodating, passionate, logical, smart and yet still a true romantic at heart.
As we grow older and mature, our idea of the perfect partner changes, but we never truly let go of the hope that we'll find the ever elusive "The One".
Basically, every one of us has high expectations when it comes to our ideal partner. If we do some actual soul-searching, we'll realize that we never truly believed that we'll end up with that someone we had envisioned all these years. It's merely a bitter-sweet dream we cling tightly onto as we find it hard to come to terms with the harsh reality. That person might not even EXIST. Sure, out of the 7 odd billion people in the world, perhaps a handful of them might meet our every criteria. But what are the chances that we'll actually get to meet them, and then get to know them? Perhaps we've walked past the person destined to be our soul mate in the train station a few times and were none the wiser.
Everybody wants to find the perfect partner. Everybody yearns to be with someone who complements them to the T, and with that yearning comes expectations, and normally, only disappointment follows. Why? Because frankly, reality almost always never measures up to expectations.
That, my dear random readers from hopefully all around the world, is what you must always remember.
Now... the million dollar question.
What exactly is love?
Love is not about finding someone who molds and fits into you perfectly like a long lost piece of a jig-saw puzzle. Nuh-uh, that's way too easy. And things that come easy... well, they don't last. People start taking things for granted because they are so comfortable and assured in their position, and that's when everything starts going downhill. It all starts small. A hint of disregard or lack of sparks due to neglect... That's all that's needed to trigger a landslide that will bury and leave you six feet under, bewildered and wondering what went wrong.
Don't make that fatal mistake.
By then, it's far too late to try and make things right.
Love is something that everybody has to fight tooth and nail for every inch of the way because that's the only way to make it work and KEEP IT THAT WAY. Look at it from this angle: love is a mini see-saw, and to keep it healthily afloat off the ground, both parties have to put in equal effort and maintain it at that level. There can be no giving up or unequal work distribution because it will cause one party to be heavily burdened by stress as well as insecurity and cause the relationship to tilt unsteadily, at the verge of collapse.
No relationship is perfect. Love is definitely NOT perfect.
But luckily, perfection comes in many different shapes, form and sizes.
What the hell am I talking about?
Love is about finding perfection within imperfection.
Perfection is a mere perception. An illusion, if you'll have it. One's man treasure is another man's junk, and vice-versa. There is no unanimous definition of perfection on anything. I may deem an uncut diamond as perfect as I prefer it in its natural state with all its "flaws" but others may prefer a polished one.
You just have to learn to overlook the flaws.
Love comes in stages. Even the most powerful forces of nature like hurricanes take time to build momentum, and love, the most powerful emotion known to man, is no exception.
Everything starts somewhere. There has to be a sense of attraction, and this magnetic pull is normally focused on something, be it physical appearance, presence or personality. When we start to fall in love with the person, we have to be aware if we're falling for the real person or just our IDEA of him or her. There is a distinct difference.
When we are attracted to someone, we tend to block out all the negatives and focus on the positives. That's what makes love so potent and lethal. It sometimes blinds us to the cold hard truth. After the relationship ends abruptly, painfully, only then do we realize that the person we were in love with was not who we thought to be at all.
What happened...
I always thought my type was the shy, quiet and sensible girl with a hidden layer of sensuality underneath.
Then this girl, this wonderfully loud, playful and quirky girl walked into my life and left me absolutely floundered. There was just something about the way she carried herself, about the way she talked, about the way she smiled that captivated me and made me her prisoner.
I was a goner the first time I saw her.
After the awkward first stage, we quickly grew closer. We talked, we dated and even though things started getting serious, doubts still lingered in my mind. She was the total opposite of my ideal girl; will things really work out?
Hence, I approached the relationship in a very careful and somewhat protective manner, and it made her insecure because she didn't understand why I wasn't introducing her to my friends. She questioned herself, and the insecurities turned her to seek solace and comfort somewhere else with her friends.
During that time, I slowly grew to love her more. Every part of her. I looked forward to hearing her voice over the phone or meeting her in person. I wanted to see her smile at me, hold her and just spend time with her doing anything in the world. It pained me to feel that she no longer seemed to care about me as much and was distancing herself away from me.
I've always thought myself to be the sensitive and understanding type, but it turned out that I fell prey to the same trap as many other guys. I was too comfortable with the relationship, and just assumed that she'll never stop loving me. I took her love for granted, and even though I thought I was doing enough, I was missing the small details that were really bothering her.
Sometimes, I'll go missing for hours on end as I was busy doing other things or on the computer with my other friends. I wasn't there when she just needed someone to listen to her rant, and if I could do it all over again to make things right, I would in a heartbeat.
Luckily for me, this is not the end of my story. I realized my mistake when I felt us drifting further and further apart and poured my feelings out to her one night. We both acknowledged that there's a problem with our relationship and are in the process of trying to make things right. There's too much that needs fixing, and it remains to be seen whether we can get back to where we used to be, but I'll be damned if I give up.
This relationship has taught me a lot. Like what I mentioned before, love on its own is never perfect.
We are the engineers of our own fate; we call the shots.
We are the ones who decide if a relationship is worth fixing.
We are the only ones with the power to make love perfect.
And for the rest of couples out there, I wish you all the best in crafting the perfect love for the both of you.
And for you singles, here's a parting piece of advice.
"We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love."
- Tom Robbins
My name is Kenneth, and this is my story.
No comments:
Post a Comment