Closure... or not?

Definition: Closure - a feeling that an emotional or traumatic experience has been resolved.

I don't think closure will come so fast.

It’s amazing what can happen in just a day or two, especially when you’re determined to get to the bottom of things.

And for me, I’ve dug so deep I’ve reached rock bottom.

“You’re the sweetest guy I’ve ever met” is something she told me after we both mutually agreed that we’ve reached the end of the line. I’m sure she intended it as some sort of assurance that I had tried my best to keep the relationship alive and it wasn’t my fault but to me, it’s only a confirmation that I fucked up real bad.

I was the sweetest guy she had ever met, and I still couldn't get her to stay with me.

It's 8.44 a.m. in the morning here in Singapore and the gloomy rainy weather matches my current feelings. I feel like an uninspired wreck. I don't feel like socializing, my appetite has dulled and I'm just going through my daily routine everyday like a robot. Many activities I once enjoyed have lost its appeal and I find myself just reminiscing about the past and how happy we were together. 

She's like that with the other guy now. 

Maybe this would never have happened if I had given her more attention. I do blame myself for neglecting her at times, but I've accepted that we would never have lasted anyway. We were too fundamentally different; she's a beautiful mosaic butterfly that flutters around and attracts attention everywhere she goes, while I'm just a typical dull worker bee that fulfills the duties assigned to him. It was only a matter of time before our differences became too painfully obvious and the only solution was to let go.

Time is the best medicine for all heartache, and I'm sure I'll eventually move on and find another girl whom I'll fall head over heels over once again. This time, however, I'll be much more careful and wary. Once bitten, twice shy.

I guess the worst part of this break-up is that at the beginning, she begged me to never leave her. She told me that all her previous partners left her because they couldn't stand her, and she didn't want that to happen with me. I didn't want to make a promise I might not be able to keep, but I'm never the type to give up without a fight. What I did tell her was that I'll always be by her side as long as she wants me to be.

I intend to keep that promise because I still love her... albeit now as a friend rather than a life partner. 

"I loved you with a fire red, but now it's turning blue." - Apologize, Timbaland