Reflection.

I'm not going to be posting as much now as I'm going to be using my Dayre more. It's easier to make small random posts on my thoughts there.

It's been almost a month and I guess I've been making good progress. It looks like it's going to take a lot longer than the one month I originally set for myself to get over her though.

During this month, I've had lots of time to think because I had to rest at home for quite a long period of time after an operation to clear my nose. Naturally, my thoughts went back to what went wrong.

My friends all told me that it wasn't my fault and I shouldn't blame myself for what happened. They all pretty much told me the same thing, that she would only fall for someone else if she was already losing feelings for me.

I wasn't a good goalkeeper. I wasn't always there to protect the goal, but the defence should have done better and not have allowed the opponent to have clear shots on goal.

Both of us should have done better.

My friend's sister majored in psychology and she got me thinking with her perspective of things. She was the one who told me about the five stages of a break up and really "analyzed" my relationship for me. She pointed out that the guy was at fault too, for talking to her in the first place.

I guess this proves for a relationship to go sour, it really takes everybody involved to fuck up badly.

Among that same group of friends, they made a bet that even though I only just went through a break-up, I'll still be the first among them to get together with another girl. I'm sure they didn't mean it as an insult and it's more of a joke but they really have no idea how I'm like when I'm in a relationship. They've always assumed because of my past that I don't take relationships seriously and will still flirt around just because I can.

If only they knew how wrong they are.

There should only be one reason for getting into a relationship with someone and that is to eventually get married to each other and spend the rest of your lives together. I am a strong supporter of this view and will never take any relationship lightly. Even if it's broken, I will fight tooth and nail to make it work because that's how it has to be.

It will only get harder after marriage anyway.

Thinking about spending the rest of your life with just one person used to scare the shit out of me, but that sounds like a real blessing right now. I want to wake up to just my partner's sleepy smile in the morning and go to sleep at night with her by my side. I want to focus on giving all my love to the most important girl in my life.

My mom told me that she's very happy I have such a mindset because it shows that she raised me well. On the other hand, she said that I need to stop being a stubborn idiot and go have some fun while I'm still young as I won't have that chance to indulge in everything life has to offer me in the future.

Everything will fall into place eventually.

I'm really looking forward to enlisting into army. I hope that it will wear me out both physically and mentally so that I won't think about all the memories anymore. Maybe I'll write another post about them in the future so that I'll never forget them.

Memories are meant to be kept after all.

It's hard right now, but it gets easier.

After Us by WongFuProductions

I've always been a big fan of Wong Fu Productions and when I went back to check out their YouTube page, I finally decided to watch some of their... sadder videos like "Strangers, again" and this.

This short video basically sums up everything you're going to feel, and why you're feeling it after a break-up. It's perhaps one of the most accurate video I've ever found, made by people who have been through this whole entire shit and have now recovered sufficiently to look at it from a rational rather than emotional point of view.

"You see other cute or pretty girls with your eyes, but nothing stirs in your heart. No butterflies, no desire, nothing. You still miss her."

The 5 stages of a break-up.

Well, hello again. Just felt the need to get typing again, so here's a little something one of my friends told me about...

These are the five stages people go through after a break-up. You might skip one or two phases, but there's no running away from some of them. They might not occur in the order I'm presenting them in; it changes from individual to individual.

STAGE 1

DENIAL

You are in shock. You can't believe it happened. Sometimes you wake up and reach for your partner only to realize that he or she's already gone.

You find that you're unable to accept that there's now an empty void in your life and that things aren't the same anymore. It all happened too fast and you don't know how to deal with it. You keep thinking that your partner will come back to you and laugh and tell you that it was all a joke.

You are in full denial that you are now officially single again.

This stage typically doesn't last very long as reality smacks you hard really fast.

DEALING WITH IT

Unfortunately, there's not much you can do during this stage. Confide in your family and closest friends. Let them help you accept that the relationship is over so you can move on to the next stage. There's no shortcut to true acceptance and liberation from the pain; it's a step by step process that could take weeks, months or even years.

STAGE 2

BARGAINING

This is a phase that the largest number of people skip, most commonly due to their pride and unwillingness to "beg".

You know you're stuck in this phase when you find yourself constantly going back to your partner and reasoning with him or her, desperately trying to find a way to make the relationship work again. You may be willing to sacrifice anything to try to salvage the relationship at this point.

Calls, messages or even face-to-face conversations... anything to try to remain in contact and continue talking. You're trying your best to fix things so you won't have to deal with the grief and pain that'll be coming your way. Technically, this is similar to the denial phase as you still haven't let go of the relationship and are still clinging to the hope that things could still change.

DEALING WITH IT

The only thing that you should be salvaging is your pride. Don't wallow in self-pity and pick yourself up. You are better than this.

Give yourself some time and distance away from your ex. Try not to communicate with him or her. This means no messaging and no calls. In fact, don't even check how he or she is doing on social media. Unfollow them if you have to. It'll be hard at first, but I promise that it will get easier over time.

STAGE 3

DEPRESSION

Ah, here comes the pain and grief. It'll hit you like a fucking truck. This is when you truly acknowledge that the relationship is over and that all the memories the two of you had are going to be just that... memories.

You will feel immense sadness. You might even contemplate suicide, but Jesus Christ, don't even entertain such thoughts. You are worth much more than that. Don't cheapen yourself just because someone else might not see your worth.

This is also a time for reflection. Take this break-up as a lesson and improve yourself. The pain you're feeling can be used as a source of motivation to make yourself stronger, both mentally and physically. The future is bright and full of hope as long as you look towards it.

DEALING WITH IT

It's normal to feel sad, just don't let it consume you until it's all you feel.

If you feel like crying, just let the tears flow. Cry until you have no more tears because you'll feel much better afterwards.

Always know that you have loved ones around you who will always be there to support you as long as you ask for their help. Don't be afraid of appearing weak by asking for assistance. This is part and parcel of life and people will understand.

Try to keep yourself occupied by doing things you love with people you love. Pamper yourself and get some shopping or gaming therapy - whatever floats your boat.

Most most most importantly, love yourself. Don't go and mistreat yourself as a sort of punishment because you're just punishing yourself. If you don't know how to even love yourself, how could you expect others to love you?

You and you only are responsible for your own well-being. Don't beat yourself up over other people's mistakes. Take care of yourself and before you know it, you'll be feeling much better.

STAGE 4

ANGER 

Different individuals will experience this phase at different times.

You're angry because they had done you wrong. Maybe they did something they promised they'll never do. Whatever it is, you feel betrayed.

You might deeply resent your partner for making you hurt so badly. You might even want to lash out physically or verbally to get back at them. Refrain yourself from doing things you might regret. The anger will slowly fade away, much like the depression you feel.

In time, you'll see things from their point of view and understand what went wrong. You'll accept that the relationship had to come to an end and nobody was truly at fault, but it no longer matters because you've forgiven the both of you.

DEALING WITH IT

Channel that anger into energy and motivation to better yourself! Like always, keep yourself occupied. Exercise, socialize and indulge in your hobbies. Don't give yourself too much time to think about these stuff as it will just manifest and make a turn for the worse.

You want to recover, not be stuck in this phase forever. Only way to do so is to let it all go.

STAGE 5

ACCEPTANCE

Ahh, the long awaited final stage. At this point, you've accepted everything that happened, acknowledged the nature of the break-up and are prepared to move on. You don't necessarily have to be completely over your ex, but you are ready to let go.

You will still occasionally think of him or her, of the memories you once shared, but it's no longer as frequent. And you'll just shake your head with a wistful smile and tell yourself you're a fool, but it doesn't affect you that strongly anymore.

You are able to finally see past the anger and grief that once clouded your judgement and enjoyment of life.

The future awaits.

We are young.

Life goes on.

I've stopped talking to her entirely for the past week and settled back into my daily routine. I'm feeling much better now as things return to normal. I told myself that it's not worth brooding over such matters - they are part and parcel of life. I'm just focusing on treating my mind and body right because hey, how do you expect to love the people around you if you don't even love yourself?

Your first responsibility is always yourself.

Never EVER forget that.

Besides, the single life is not that bad.

I enjoyed it before, and I'll enjoy it again.

I recently got together with an old bunch of friends for a few games of basketball. We regaled each other with stories of how our old schoolmates were doing over a hearty lunch and it mainly revolved around old and new relationships.

I wasn't overly surprised to hear that the couple we thought were going to get married (they were together for nearly 6 years) had broken up.

It is highly unlikely for us to find someone we're going to spend the rest of our lives with at such a young, tender age. We're simply not mature enough. We still want to have fun. We still want to see what the world has to offer us.

It is perfectly natural!

Everybody goes through this phase at a certain point in their lives, mostly when we are teenagers. It's better for us to go crazy and enjoy life to the fullest at this point because in the future, we cannot afford such luxuries anymore. We have to act like responsible adults and settle down.

Get it all out of your system before your biological clock starts ticking like a time bomb!

So guys... go out and be that crazy motherfucker that gives no shit and takes no shit from anyone.

Enjoy yourself and let it all loose.

You want to be able to look back ten years from now and think to yourself, "that was the best time of my life."

Live life with no regrets.

That's the best piece of advice I have to give.

Leave it all up to fate to dictate when that special someone comes into life.

Cheers!

Show Luo (罗志祥) - Corner of Love (爱转角) lyrics/ English translation

Show Luo (罗志祥) - Corner of Love (爱转角) lyrics/English translation/pingyin

我伪装着
Wo wei zhuang zhe
I'm still pretending

不露痕迹的 
Bu lu hen ji de
Without leaving a trace

想在你身边 静静的陪着看着天边
Xiang zai ni shen bian, jing jing de pei zhe kan zhe tian bian
Wishing to be your side, accompanying you in silence as we gaze at the skies

骑着单车 往前行进着
Qi zhe dan che, wang qian xing jin zhe
Riding on a single bike, slowly moving forward

某个路口 爱在等着
Mou ge lu kou, ai zai deng zhe
At one of these junctions, love is waiting

你往前走 不回头看了 
Ni zai wang qian zou, bu hui tou kan le
You continue moving forward without a backward glance

记忆的笑脸
Ji yi de xiao lian
Memories of your smiling face

缓缓的敲着我的琴键
Nuan nuan de qiao zhe wo de qing jian,
Warmly looking at my piano.

我不舍得 让你孤单单的
Wo bu she de, rang ni gu dan dan de
I can't bear to leave you feeling lonely

我爱你的 心牵挂着
Wo ai ni de, xin qian gua zhe
I am still unable to let go of what I love about you

心不再拚命躲 不去害怕结果

Xin bu zai ping ming duo, bu qu hai pa jie guo
The heart is no longer hiding desperately, no longer afraid of the conclusion

假设有个以后 你会怎么说
Jia she you ge yi hou, ni hui zen me shuo
What if I told you that we have a future, what would you say?

一直想跟你说 幸福不再溜走
Yi zhi xiang gen ni shuo, xin fu bu zai liu zou
I always wanted to tell you that from now on, happiness won't just disappear 

下个路口 你会看见爱有美丽笑容
Xia ge lu kou, ni hui kan jian ai you mei li xiao rong
At the next junction, you will find that love has a beautiful smile

爱转角遇见了谁 是否有爱情的美

Ai zhuan jiao yu jian le shei, shi fou you ai qing de mei
At the corner of love, who did you meet? Was the love as beautiful as it's supposed to be?

爱转角以后的街 能不能有我来陪
Ai zhuan jiao yi hou de jie, neng bu neng you wo lai pei
Can I be the one to accompany you on the road after the corner of love?

爱转角遇见了谁 是否不让你流泪
Ai zhuan jiao yu jian le shei, shi fou bu rang ni liu lei,
At the corner of love, who did you meet? Did he make you cry?

也许陌生到了解 让我来当你的谁
Ye xu mo sheng dao le jie, rang wo lai dang ni de shei
From strangers to familiarity, will you let me be the one?

我不让爱掉眼泪 不让你掉眼泪
Wo bu rang ai diao yan lei, bu rang ni diao yan lei
I won't let love cry, I won't let you cry

现在永远
Xian zai yong yuan
From now till forever

你就是我 就是我的美
Ni jiu shi wo, jiu shi wo de mei
You are my definition of beautiful

心不再拚命躲 不去害怕结果
Xin bu zai ping ming duo, bu qu hai pa jie guo
The heart is no longer hiding desperately, no longer afraid of the conclusion

假设有个以后 你会怎么说
Jia she you ge yi hou, ni hui zen me shuo
What if I told you that we have a future, what would you say?

一直想跟你说 幸福不再溜走
Yi zhi xiang gen ni shuo, xing fu bu zai liu zou
I always wanted to tell you that from now on, happiness won't just disappear

下个路口 你会看见爱有美丽笑容
XIa ge lu kou, ni hui kan jian ai you mei li xiao rong
At the next junction, you will find that love has a beautiful smile

爱转角遇见了谁 是否有爱情的美
Ai zhuan jiao yu jian le shei, shi fou you ai qing de mei
At the corner of love, who did you meet? Was the love as beautiful as it's supposed to be?

爱转角以后的街 能不能有我来陪
Ai zhuan jiao yi hou de jie, neng bu neng you wo lai pei
Can I be the one to accompany you on the road after the corner of love?

爱转角遇见了谁 是否不让你流泪
Ai zhuan jiao yu jian le shei, shi fou bu rang ni liu lei
At the corner of love, who did you meet? Did he make you cry?

也许陌生到了解 让我来当你的谁
Ye xu mo sheng dao le jie, rang wo lai dang ni de shei
From strangers to familiarity, will you let me be the one?

我不让爱掉眼泪 不让你掉眼泪
Wo bu rang ai diao yan lie, bu rang ni diao yan lei
I won't let love cry, I won't let you cry

现在永远
Xian zai yong yuan
From now till forever

你就是我 就是我的美
Ni jiu shi wo, jiu shi wo de mei
You are my definition of beautiful

爱转角遇见了谁 是否有爱情的美
Ai zhuan jiao yu jian le shei, shi fou you ai qing de mei
At the corner of love, who did you meet? Was the love as beautiful as it's supposed to be?

爱转角以后的街 能不能有我来陪
Ai zhuan jiao yi hou de jie, neng bu neng you wo lai pei
Can I be the one to accompany you on the road after the corner of love?

爱转角遇见了谁 是否不让你流泪
Ai zhuan jiao yu jian le shei, shi fou bu rang ni liu lei
At the corner of love, who did you meet? Did he make you cry?

将寂寞孤单作废 让我来当你的谁
Jiang ji mo gu dan zuo fei, rang wo lai dang ni de shei
I will eradicate all loneliness and sadness, just let me be the one

我不让爱掉眼泪 不让你掉眼泪
Wo bu rang ai diao yan lei, bu rang ni diao yan lei
I won't let love cry, I won't let you cry

现在永远
Xian zai yong yuan
From now till forever

你就是我 就是我的美
Ni jiu shi wo, jiu shi wo de mei
You are my definition of beautiful

The only constant in life is change.

I thought I’ve mentally steeled myself for the eventual break-up, but I still felt the pain like a dagger through the heart. No amount of preparation will ever help soften the blow of losing the one you love and consider yours to someone else.

But it gets worse.

The dagger is going to twist and embed itself further in your heart every time you see them enjoying each other’s company. See her smiling and laughing at him in a way that was once reserved exclusively for you. See her touch him in that affectionate way that used to lead to a long, passionate kiss shared only between lovers who knew each other well.

All of that, all shattered in an instant.

But if you truly love someone, you’ll want him or her to be happy, regardless if it’s with you or someone else. I never thought of myself as a noble person, but it turns out that I actually am. It will hurt to see them together but pain is part and parcel of life. We will learn from it, and sometimes it will change us.

Do not attempt to fight that change. I choose to believe that everything happens for a reason, and likewise, everybody comes into our lives for a reason. We have to be thankful for everybody that was, or still is in our lives because in the grand scheme of things, they all play or played a part in molding us into who we are destined to be.

“When things seem as if they’re falling apart, they might just be falling into place.”

Whether or not she’s going to be a big part of my life in the future, I really do wish them all the best. She deserves to find true love and have her fears and wounds be smoothened by someone who’ll take the time to understand, console and love her with all his heart.

I hope he won’t make the same mistake I made.

And if he breaks your heart, I’ll be there to pick up the pieces and make you whole again.  

I promised to always be there for you, and that’s what I’m going to do.  

I’m a fool, aren’t I?

-sigh-

Friendship.

“Let’s just be friends.”

The sentence that everybody dreads to hear.

Can ex-lovers really just be friends though?

I don’t have an answer to that. It depends on the tone of the break-up, of the personalities of the two people in question and many other factors like their friends, environment and lingering feelings for each other.

A clean break is always better because it results in distance that will help mend a broken heart faster.

But what if you can’t bear to leave her?

She was such a big part of my life. I’ll go as far as to say that she was quite possibly my everything. My life revolved around her, even though she might not have realized it. I meant every word I said when I told her that I love her and that I’ll try my best to make her the happiest girl in the world. She was, and still is, my number one priority.

Towards the end of the relationship, there was this question that I wanted to ask her but never had the courage to. Oblivion is bliss, they say.

I would have taken a bullet for her without hesitation.

But would she have done the same?

We are the engineers of our own fate. I still believe in that, but sometimes certain things are out of our control.

“If it’s meant to be, it will be.”

This is what all of my friends have been telling me, and that is the motto I’m going to live by.

I’m leaving it all up to fate and hoping it deals me a nice hand this time round. An Ace of Spades will be the best, but if that’s too much to ask for…

A Queen of Hearts will be fine too.

"我真的没有天份,安静的没这么快.

       我会学着放弃你是因为我太爱你"

Translation: I really don't have the ability to get over you so fast. I'll try my best to forget you, but only because I love you so much.