Reflection.

I'm not going to be posting as much now as I'm going to be using my Dayre more. It's easier to make small random posts on my thoughts there.

It's been almost a month and I guess I've been making good progress. It looks like it's going to take a lot longer than the one month I originally set for myself to get over her though.

During this month, I've had lots of time to think because I had to rest at home for quite a long period of time after an operation to clear my nose. Naturally, my thoughts went back to what went wrong.

My friends all told me that it wasn't my fault and I shouldn't blame myself for what happened. They all pretty much told me the same thing, that she would only fall for someone else if she was already losing feelings for me.

I wasn't a good goalkeeper. I wasn't always there to protect the goal, but the defence should have done better and not have allowed the opponent to have clear shots on goal.

Both of us should have done better.

My friend's sister majored in psychology and she got me thinking with her perspective of things. She was the one who told me about the five stages of a break up and really "analyzed" my relationship for me. She pointed out that the guy was at fault too, for talking to her in the first place.

I guess this proves for a relationship to go sour, it really takes everybody involved to fuck up badly.

Among that same group of friends, they made a bet that even though I only just went through a break-up, I'll still be the first among them to get together with another girl. I'm sure they didn't mean it as an insult and it's more of a joke but they really have no idea how I'm like when I'm in a relationship. They've always assumed because of my past that I don't take relationships seriously and will still flirt around just because I can.

If only they knew how wrong they are.

There should only be one reason for getting into a relationship with someone and that is to eventually get married to each other and spend the rest of your lives together. I am a strong supporter of this view and will never take any relationship lightly. Even if it's broken, I will fight tooth and nail to make it work because that's how it has to be.

It will only get harder after marriage anyway.

Thinking about spending the rest of your life with just one person used to scare the shit out of me, but that sounds like a real blessing right now. I want to wake up to just my partner's sleepy smile in the morning and go to sleep at night with her by my side. I want to focus on giving all my love to the most important girl in my life.

My mom told me that she's very happy I have such a mindset because it shows that she raised me well. On the other hand, she said that I need to stop being a stubborn idiot and go have some fun while I'm still young as I won't have that chance to indulge in everything life has to offer me in the future.

Everything will fall into place eventually.

I'm really looking forward to enlisting into army. I hope that it will wear me out both physically and mentally so that I won't think about all the memories anymore. Maybe I'll write another post about them in the future so that I'll never forget them.

Memories are meant to be kept after all.